This is where I get real. Life hasn’t been great lately. In fact, I can feel my perspective shifting and could easily fall prey to depression or some other -ism. And it’s not like I have any more than any one of you is carrying. We had to put our dog to sleep last week-I’m still trying to bounce back from that, and I’ve realized that there is no true “bouncing back” from any loss. Instead, the “new normal” settles in to stay like unwanted Murphy (of Murphy’s Law) shows up with a car breaking down or a leaky ceiling. A phone call from the doctor’s office to schedule a follow-up procedure (lovely). A lofty goal which proved to be once again too far beyond my reach. My husband is sick and the kids are bickering and J’s glasses are broken and school complaints stack up. Even our Elf on the Shelf, Peter had to take a break for one day. (Can’t say that I blame him!) I just need a mommy time out and I’m just plain TIRED of the stress and the routine. You would think a 5 day vacation during Thanksgiving would help, but for us, I think it had the opposite effect. If you haven’t stopped reading this rant-fest by now, then bless you. Thank you for sticking with me. I say these things because I almost NEVER say these things to anyone. Except God. I am not equipped to handle all this by myself. But then again, I must remember: I am not EXPECTED to handle all this by myself.
So it’s no wonder I am trying to find MEANING this Advent-looking for joy and straining for grace because I so desperately need it. Now. Here. When all I am seeing are the “no’s” and the endings and the impossibilities, I need to see Him. I must be reminded that He came down for all of us and has been right where we are. He knows it’s messy and complicated and brutiful (the word coined by Glennon Melton, blogger at Momastery). Brutal AND beautiful juxtaposed together. Yep-it is.
Appropriately, today’s devotion by Ann Voskamp in The Greatest Gift (the book I was telling you about on Day 1) is entitled “Where Are You?”–when God came looking for Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden in Genesis 3: 6-9. God is looking for us when we are lost or struggling or screwing up in every which way. And he “[r]eaches for you who have fallen and scraped you heart raw, for you who feel the shame of words that have snaked off your tongue and poisoned corners of your life, for you who keep trying to cover up pain with perfectionism.” Yeah, that’s me to a T. She just nailed it. And I expect she just described many of you, too. We are in this together. And with Him. That’s a pretty safe place, I’d say.
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So what would lift my spirits? Mail. That’s right-I love checking the mailbox every day in December. Digging past the bills and catalogs, I rummage for those special envelopes–you know the ones. The Christmas cards. Because I cherish every Christmas card we receive. Usually there are images of smiling families, stories of how the past year unfolded, and a warm and heartfelt message. It’s a reminder that someone cares.
So for today, I’m sending you a “Christmas Card”-it’s a song by Steven Curtis Chapman. Click HERE to watch the video and listen to the song. Right now, I’m feeling more like the person being described in the song. And that’s OK. But for you, I want to be the one who is singing this song FOR YOU. As a reminder that you are loved. Blessings, friends…
I think I passed you on the busy sidewalk last night
I think I caught the sadness in your eyes
While everybody sings their happy Christmas songs tonight
All you want to do is cryChristmas lights and decorations everywhere you turn
But all you feel inside is dark and gray
There may be joy for all the world but is there any joy for you
Hold on, Love is looking for a way
Hold on, I believe it’s why Love cameSo I’m sending you this Christmas card
To let you know somebody loves you
And I’m singing you this little song
To let you know you’re not alone
And I’m thinking, as we celebrate, how Love came down
So every lost and lonely broken heart would get found
And wherever you are, I hope this Christmas card
Finds you and reminds you
You are lovedFor every one who’s been left standing on the outside looking in
Every one with dreams that never will come true
When the story of your life gets re-written overnight
Well, this is all part of the Christmas story, too
And I believe God knows and He’s right there with youSo I’m sending you this Christmas card
To let you know somebody loves you
And I’m singing you this little song
To let you know you’re not alone
And I’m thinking, as we celebrate, how Love came down
So every lost and lonely broken heart can be found
And wherever you are, I hope this Christmas card
Finds you and reminds you
You are not aloneYou’re never forgotten
The God who made you came down to our world
To let us know wherever we are
He is with us
Our God is with us
And He really wants to let you know
Just how much He loves youAnd I’m singing you this Christmas song
So you’ll know you’re not alone
And I’m thankful, as we celebrate, how Love came down
Now all the lost and lonely broken hearts can be found
And wherever you are, I hope this Christmas card
Finds you and reminds you
You are loved
-Sherry